The first post.

I've made a few drafts of the first post on this blog, but nothing feels right. I'm lost right now in my life. Adjusting from two children to three has been rough. Denver was born 3 weeks early, and his right lung collapsed when he was two days old. Spent over a week in the NICU then at 6 weeks(Only home four weeks) he got Viral Meningitis and was back in Children's Hospital for a week. Thankfully God had his hand on Denver through it all and Denver is now healthy, and happy if Mommy is holding him. But as you can see the first few months were a roller coaster for our family.

Then came the new year and I was trying to adjust to being home alone, all day every day, with three little kids. It's not all fun and games. It's screaming, hair pulling, dirty diapers, arguing, yelling, tantrums, messes, and it's almost impossible to keep three kids happy. I don't think they have all three been happy at the same time for longer then thirty seconds. It's hard. It's my life. And there are days where I am lost all day. I hide in the bathroom and cry because it is almost too much to handle.

I used to think there was something wrong with me. Maybe I am not fit to be the great mother I wanted to be in the beginning. Looking at me now, I am not the mother that I thought I would be. I do not have enough patience, I do not do fun crafts every day, I do not do the best that I can any more. But I know now, after reading a few books, that I am not alone. Nothing is wrong with me. This is how real mothers get sometimes. Having children so close in age is hard. They all need me for almost every single thing so I am working for three little ones who are growing and learning and they need me to be the rock to teach them all that they need to learn.

Since I plan to home school people think that I am crazy. When people hear me complain about my day they think I deserve it since I'm not sending my 4 year old to preschool. They don't stop to think about how my day goes with these three little blessings the Lord gave me.

They are up before the sun, no matter what time they go to bed. Our day starts at 6 am with all 3 of them up. We eat a quick breakfast and I try to be lazy till about 9 when David calls from work. Then they get bored. I'm busy trying to keep the laundry and dishes caught up and they want to go out to play. So I try to take them out a fwe times a day to play outside and run off some energy.

Nap time is a fight, when Denver naps the other two just can't be quiet and they wake him up after just 5 to 10 minutes of sleeping. Ryder fights nap time and some days doesn't even nap. Taylor hasn't napped for over a year. And after nap time it's rough. Ryder is very cranky and whiny and drives me insane some times..


But you get the idea. If you are at home right now with littles you know how my days go all to well. I used to get very upset while online, and I have even taken a break from the computer the past couple weeks. I used to read blogs about moms who seem to have it all planned out and everything just went perfectly for them. The pictures of clean houses and the art projects they do daily with their kids got to me. My house is never clean. We only do crafts maybe once a week if we are lucky.

So this blog is a place for me to share the realities of motherhood. It's not all fun and games and bubbles and crafts. It's long days and long nights, dirty diapers, financial worries, fighting and crying non stop. This is my reality right now. And I need to learn to love it, even all the bad that comes with it. It's not going to be easy, but I am going to share our journey on here. My only outlet to the real world right now. So stop by daily, (hopefully I will be posting daily) and have a cup of coffee and read and realize that you are not the only one that is going through the season of littles right now. I keep telling my self this is just a season in the motherhood journey and soon it will be gone. I need to enjoy these days, and most days its very hard but I need to learn to love it. God has blessed me beyond what I deserve. And I am so thankful for all he has blessed me with...